When I was a kid, I was always rushing to grow up. During my childhood, my cousins were all in their twenties, discussing their careers, dating life and the craziest things that had happened the previous night. As a ten-year-old, I was attracted to the whole idea of adulthood because of the self-assurance, independence and sense of control that grown-ups exhibited.
Now that I’m in my mid-twenties, I’m practically considered an “adult.” It’s ironic because I’ve been anticipating this moment for so long, and, yet, I feel far less grown-up than I thought I would be. In some aspects, I have obtained the freedom that I so admired as a child, but at the same time, am limited as well. Because with adulthood there are responsibilities and obligations to deal with whereas a child you didn’t have to worry about any of that. As Nigel Cole once said:
“…I think it’s tougher to be in your 20s because you’re expected to be a grownup and expected to earn your own living and be successful and I think you feel like a kid still.”
You would think that “who-am-I-phase” in your life would just end after your teenage years, but that isn’t necessarily true. I’ve learned that I will be spending my entire life trying to find the answer to that question as so many wise individuals before me have said. I thought that by now I would know what I want and have a blue-print of my life, but it’s actually the opposite — I have so many wants’ and have no idea of where I’m headed.
It seems as if we’re all trying to appear put-together when in reality we’re all just making it up as we go. You know that saying, “fake it till you make it”? It applies here because no one ever knows what they’re doing as long as they’re doing something and that something is moving forward. At the end of the day, you can only hope for the best, and trust that everything will be okay.
It’s funny how life works isn’t it? As a child, you want to be a grown-up but when you’re finally a grown-up, you’d wished you were that 10-year-old self again. At this moment, I feel like a child stuck inside an adult body.
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